my message

I had an incredible "mothering" experience on Sunday that moved me to tears.

There is a hymn we sing at Church, "I am a Child of God." It's probably the first song everyone learns or hears. It's a beautiful message about how I am a child of God, He sent me here to a family, they can teach me, and one day we can all live together forever in heaven.

Wesley loves this song. I tend to separate "regular songs" (like Wheels on the Bus, Itsy Bitsy Spider, or Green Speckled Frogs) from "Church songs" or "Primary songs" by calling the latter "snuggle songs" (which essentially means they are quiet songs we sing to calm down or at bedtime). Wesley has started calling this particular song, "I am a Child of God A Snuggle Song." Funny. I know he knows all the words, and we sing it often. Although I have never been lucky enough to get him to sing it on video.

Sunday, when we got to Church, the prelude music was playing and I asked Wesley what we should do at Church that day. (I was going for "be reverent" or "think of Jesus".) He said, "sing I am a Child of God A Snuggle Song." I told him that was a great idea, but I looked in the program and didn't see it. I said we might not sing it that day.

Imagine my surprise when they announced the Opening Hymn, and it was "I am a Child of God" !! I had totally missed it in the program, even though I had looked for it. I told Wesley how excited I was and that everyone in the whole Church would sing it with us. As the music started, he looked at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and recognition crossed his face. He knew that he knew this song! As everyone started singing, so did he. He didn't miss a beat. He sung the entire first verse along with the congregation. He stood next to me on the pew, and I had my arm wrapped around him, and we sung this beautiful hymn together.

Needless to say I was a complete emotional basketcase by the second verse.

He doesn't know the second or third verses as well (I do sing them to him), but he chimed back in for the chorus. Having the whole ward sing beside us was a magical experience for him. He was beaming. I was so touched.

(In fact, a woman came up to me after Church and asked if I was "all right," meaning that she saw the tears streaming down my face and assumed, you know, my dog had died or something. Fortunately, they were tears of joy, I assured her.)

There is a movie out right now, based on a best-selling book of the same title, "The Help." I read the book and loved it loved it loved it, and I saw the movie and loved it loved it loved it. It's very much a drama -- not much of a comedy, even if the previews make it out to be. It deals with some serious issues: the 1960s South, where black maids raise white children and run white households, but aren't respected enough to be able to use the toilet in the white houses. Civil rights and civil equality is a hot subject. It's a very touching book, and makes the readers really think about what is right and wrong in the world, especially in how we treat other people.

Well, in the story, the main maid character Abileen tends a 3-year-old named Mae Mobley. Every morning when Mae Mobley wakes up, she recites a phrase with her: You is smart. You is kind. You is important.

In the book, I remember Abileen remarking that she only has so much time with the children, and she just hopes that what she says will get through to them, so they don't grow up to be like "they mamas." Although time and time again (Abileen had tended 17 children before Mae Mobley), they do grow up to be like their mothers -- bigoted, selfish, disrespectful. She just continues to hope that what she teaches sticks with them and changes them eventually.

I love this thought. Not necessarily because I don't want Wesley to grow up like me, but because I know the world is tough and crazy and I fervently pray that something I say will stick with him. Something I say will be heard above the madness he is sure to face. He is smart. He is kind. He is important.

He is a child of God.

That is my message. I sing that song to him almost every night before bed. Every single time I put him to bed I make sure he hears those words. And sometimes during the day, whenever he wants to hear it. Anytime he asks for a primary song, whether it is (his words) "Beautiful World" or "Walk in the Light" or "The Temple Song" I sing them to him. I will never miss an opportunity to teach my son about the gospel through music. It amazes me sometimes how much he loves those primary songs. I am so blessed that his little spirit at this tender young age recognizes them as truth.

The other week the temple was closed, but since I had to do something in Bellevue we drove down there and brought a picnic lunch. The whole way down (about 30 minutes), we sung primary songs. And when we got there, Wesley got to see the temple in person. He was in awe! It was a sweet moment, and I'm sure we'll do it again.

He is a child of God. I hope the same recognition that crossed his face Sunday when he heard the organ playing the music of that hymn strikes him when he is confused or scared or alone. He is a child of God, and no one or no thing can take that from him. I am grateful to my mother for teaching me that, because in the hard times it really helped me. I hope my son feels it, too. It's the truth, and it's the best message out there. Never forget it.

awesome august

We've had an absolute blast in August. I am so glad summer is finally here. Here are some highlights:

Mariners Game

Our awesome buddy Christi and her little girl Emily (+/- one week older than Wesley) invited us to join them for a Mariners game. I didn't know at all what that meant! Christi's mom worked for the Mariners ownership group for 30 years or something, so she had earned lots of perks in that time. We got free parking in the garage right next to the ballpark and great seats.





But it gets better. At about the 6th inning or so, Christi's mom invited us up to one of the suites. I'd never been in a baseball suite before! It was awesome. An open, airy space, tons of free food (good food! like caesar salad and turkey and mashed potatoes, as well as hot dogs and popcorn and a HUGE table full of desserts I ate my fair share of), a great view of the game, and even SWAG BAGS we got to take home. Included was a toy train which Wesley has yet to let go of, some baseball bobbleheads, a beach towel, a hat which Shane promptly claimed, Mariners earrings!, and more.





My friend had lots of great stories. When she was in high school the Mariners went to the playoffs, and her mom would write her sick notes to get her out of school so she could go to the games! She was also saying how one year the Mariners did really well, winning a record number of games. The year was 2001. It was the year there was a crippling earthquake in Seattle, and then later 9/11 hit. The whole morale in Seattle was down, but the Mariners were doing awesome. It was like everyone needed something to rally behind, to bring them something positive, and the Mariners were it. Interesting.

She also mentioned how right about the top of the 9th, like they were summoned, seagulls start circling the stadium. They KNOW the game is about to end! And as soon as everyone files out, they scavenge for fries and popcorn and leftovers. How do they know? They just know. Funny!

We had a blast. It was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity to hang out with our cool friends in such a cool place.


Blue Angels

The first weekend of August was Seafair. Since this is the first year that Wesley is old enough to skip his nap (and does so regularly to spite his parents), I thought it would be a blast to check out the hydroplanes and Blue Angels.

Due to some extreme craziness at Boeing, Shane had to go into work at 3 AM on Saturday morning -- seriously!! Soooo he came home and slept and we hit the Seattle beach without him. Although you can pay admission to one particular park and have a great view of the hydroplanes, I figured I'd try to do this event on the cheap. I googled some good Blue-Angel-viewing locations and picked a random park, mapquested it, and took off. Little did I realize, the park I picked was RIGHT NEXT to the admission-only park, and our view was AWESOME.



I got there at about 10 AM and parked on the street (for free). I got a great spot. Parking is also a nightmare so that was great. Wesley played on the swings at the park for maybe an hour, then we headed down to the beach and staked out a spot. I brought all our sand toys and lunch and even a magazine. I am a good planner.

We had awesome views of the hydroplanes ("really fast boats" I told Wesley), and then when the air show started at about noon he was just one captivated little boy. There were helicopters and warplanes first, and the Blue Angels were last. They were LOUD. He kept saying, "airplanes need to be quiet!" (Since I say that to him when he is loud! haha...) It was awesome. He did cry once, when they flew by and they were SO LOUD. The beach had gotten really full at that point, so he needed his momma close to protect him.





Anyway, it's now been like 3 or 4 weeks since that Saturday, and he still says, "I saw Blue Angels on Saturday at the beach." He may remember this forever.

Overall, it was a great beachy day. We played for a bit more after the airshow, and came home and slept good. I'm so glad we went!








Les Miserables

I found out awhile ago that this year was the 25th Anniversary for Les Miserables, and the show was coming to the 5th Avenue Theater in Seattle. Basically, Shane had no choice. We were going on a date! His mom at one point even told me if I couldn't persuade him to go, she'd come and go with me! Haha! Luckily, I convinced Shane and we made plans.

I got tickets ages ago. Because I have bought tickets to 5th Avenue shows before (maybe just one show?), I was on their e-list and was allowed to buy tickets one day before any other random Joe bought tickets. I found decent tickets that were still expensive, but it was worth it. Shane still doesn't know what they cost!

We had a problem finding a babysitter: that week was Girls' Camp, and ALL the young women at Church (my choice sitters) were all at camp until noon that Saturday and would be too exhausted to sit for us. I mentioned my problem to my visiting teachers, one of whom is a newlywed, no kids, and it occurred to me to ask her if she and her husband wanted to come over and have a date night at our house, watching our kid! She totally wanted to! What a miracle. They came over, played trains with Wesley, put him to bed, and watched a Redbox. It was an awesome night for them (and presumably some birth control!) and meant so much to us.

I made reservations for a restaurant I like in the building next to the theater; the girl on the phone was so jealous when I told her we had tickets to the show at 8, so what time should we eat? She said it was sold out and she knew we'd have a great time.

There was no traffic, we ate great food, the restaurant validated our parking so we got to park for free!!!, the play was awesome. It was a non-stressful wonderful night. Just what we needed. All the great songs came back to me and I really enjoyed it. For Shane, musicals are kinda like meh, but I figure if I'm going to force him to see a few, I'll have him see the best. And this was one of the best. (For reference, we've also see Chicago and Wicked. I pick good ones.)

For the record, the part I cried during was Bring Him Home. I didn't recall liking that song so much before, but with my point of view now as a mother, it really was a special song. Both times Jean Valjean sung the tune, I got all teary eyed. It was terrific.

I was so happy. I had been so busy and stressed, it was so nice to just sit and be quiet and enjoy a show. And most exciting, when I'm still and able to focus I notice the baby moving more. She moved plenty during the play! Maybe she heard the loud music. It was so nice to just enjoy.


Boeing Family Day

Only once every two years does Boeing open its doors to family and friends of its employees. Basically, if I wanted to waltz into Boeing and surprise Shane with a box of donuts on any random day, I cannot do it. Their security is too tight.

I went four years ago, and Shane showed me his desk and we walked around the hangar where they assemble 787s. Two years ago, Wesley was a little guy and I think we were on vacation or something because we missed it.

This year was fun. Wesley is SO into airplanes. We walked around and saw a ton of big planes up close -- 777s, 747s, 747-800s, and 787s. At one point, Shane had heard they were test flying a 787 and it would take off, and sure enough it started taxiing and took off on the runway right in front of us. That was fun.

We walked a lot. There were a ton of people -- Shane heard later there were 38,000 people there. Insane! We got free Boeing bags and airplane stickers and granola bars. The "kids area" was SO BUSY (long lines) so we didn't do much there. Wesley had fun just sitting in his stroller looking at airplanes. We went to the hangar and saw the 787s being assembled, as well as a handful of others. It was really cool to see what Shane does. I'm glad we could hang out as a family at Boeing! I love Boeing!


Miscellanea

Other fun things I got to do this month:

• Saw The Help with a girlfriend; what a sweet movie. The book is terrific. I also cried much, mostly afterwards when thinking about it more. What a story about being fair and decent to each other. Any mother would be moved.
  
  
• Got a pedicure today!
  
  
• Went to the ER. I don't want to talk about that really. It was pregnancy related... baby and I are fine, not dead, but I was in a lot of pain. I FEEL MUCH BETTER. Sometimes a good ER visit is exactly what you need. Sadly enough.
  
  
• Stayed super busy with Primary. We have a lot of changes going on -- classes splitting, scheduling being rearranged -- so frankly I am exhausted! But it's all good and positive and I'm happy to be part of it.
  
  
• Offered on a house nearby. And it was accepted. We were excited... but then we did an inspection and just got an overall funky feeling about the house. On top of that, I hadn't really had a "spiritual confirmation" in my heart that this was the right house for us. I knew it was perfect in a lot of ways, but I just, meh, was wishy washy. Not committed 100%. Something didn't click. Shane's gut feeling, after inspecting the inspection report, was to walk away. I said OK. So we are back at square one. Sigh. It's OK though. I know the right house is out there. I just desperately want to be living in it before I am 9 months pregnant and it's Christmas! What an emotional roller coaster this is.

Seahawks Game

I'm too good of a mood reminiscing about this fun month to talk about the Seahawks game. It was a complete disaster. Stay tuned for more on that. How's that for a cliffhanger?

i'm approved!

Check me out:



I finished this bad boy like in FEBRUARY but they have to "approve" everyone before you go live. How cool!!! You can find me by searching for "Angela downtown" on www.mormon.org....

We got notice in our Sacrament Meeting the other week that the Church is expanding its (successful) I'm a Mormon public relations campaign into the Western Washington market starting in October. I am glad my profile is ready!

on boys and girls

Being newly pregnant is a funny thing. Your mind daydreams about what "might be." There are cooing girls in frilly dresses or strapping boys in teeeeeny construction boots. With any pregnancy, two daydreams begin to form. Is it a boy, is it a girl? It's interesting since both children "exist" in your head.

Then, when that fateful day arrives -- either a revealing ultrasound or a birthday -- one daydream vanishes. It's almost like one little perfect visionary child dies. Seriously. I've thought about this. What could have been will not be.

When I was a little girl, I was the oldest of three -- myself and two boys. There was something about the concept of the "older brother": someone to take care of me and protect me. I didn't have that. I was the older sister. I remember at a Youth Conference one year, the older brother of one of my girlfriends my age had to make an announcement for something, and (shamelessly) using his time at the mic he threatened any guy who made a move on his "little sister." She was no doubt mortified, but I was intrigued at the clout of an older brother.

When I was first pregnant with Wesley, I remembered this thought. I had always said I wanted to have a boy first. I'd always said to myself I wanted an "older brother" for my kids. But somehow... something inside me changed. In those few weeks of early pregnancy, I changed my mind. I passionately wanted a girl; no, it was more than that, I was completely certain I was pregnant with a girl. The universes spoke to me, and I knew it was a girl. That was my "vibe."

It was funny because I informally surveyed some friends -- what did you think you were having? and what did you have? Half of them said, "I was totally sure it was a girl, and I was totally right" (smug smug), and the other half said, "I was totally sure it was a girl, and I was totally wrong." Note, everyone thought it was a girl. I interviewed maybe one person who thought it was a boy. Us women, pregnant, think we are birthing daughters.

I had daydreams. I saw her face. I had names picked out!

And when the ultrasound technician said it was a boy and so purposefully pointed out his little boy parts, I was floored. Perhaps I shed a tear. My "girl," my daydream, was gone.

Instead, I got a Wesley. Not that I am complaining. I love Wesley more than I love my own life; he is the most amazing little person and I thank God every day I have the incredible opportunity to be his mother. He is my little sidekick, my baby boy forever. I got the "older brother" I had always wanted, but had forgotten I even wanted.

So, here we are, round two. Now what? The daydreams formed. I immediately chalked up pros and cons of each gender:

• Boy - Pro: I can use all Wesley's clothes, shoes, towels, toys, nursery layette, etc., again. I am used to changing boy diapers. I point out airplanes really well.
• Boy - Con: I'd be very outnumbered in my house. We'd have a lot of Scouting going on, but no Personal Progress. Since I may only have two kids, this would be it. No daughter, ever. Me and Shane and our two boys.
  

• Girl - Pro: With a late birthday (December), a girl (who is generally more academically advanced), may have a better chance of keeping up with her other 2011 peers. Seriously, I thought of this. And I'd love a daughter. I would like someone to paint my nails with and watch The Little Mermaid with and go shopping with. All of my friends with girls say they love the novelty of having a daughter. Plus the clothes are so much more adorable, yes?
  
• Girl - Con: I'd need all new stuff. I don't know girls. The teenage years would be really hard. I'd have a wedding to pay for. We have all sorts of boy toys she may not like.

Back when Wesley was born and I was still "grieving" the girl-that-wasn't, I recall considering several of my girlfriends who were on their second, third, or fourth boys. I remember feeling so bad for them, like surely they wanted a girl but they didn't get one. Poor things. I had even analyzed, using Shane's family, what my chances were of having a girl next. His father's first two children were boy-girl, his sister's first two kids were boy-girl, but his older brother was the anomaly -- his wife had three boys before they got a girl! Gah! Back then, the whole "have a girl thing" was so important to me.

When it started coming down to it, this time around, I realized maybe a boy would be better. I had another friend who had a second boy and I remember her saying, "this is exactly what we wanted!" At first, I thought she was crazy. The more I thought about it though, it was genius. They play together. Use the same stuff. Two peas in a pod.

Basically, after all this analysis and all this exhaustive thinking (am I crazy or what?), I decided I didn't care. Whichever one it was, I would be totally cool with it. Boy or girl.

Immediately, all my friends started guessing girl. One friend, at book club, found out I was pregnant, took one look at me and confidently said, "Girl. And I am never wrong." Only one friend, my sister-in-law, guessed boy. She was the only one! Dozens of friends guessed it was a girl.

Of course I wanted a girl, but in the last couple days I'd really started to think it was a boy. Nay, shall I say, once again, I was convinced my little baby was a boy. I rationalized how great that would be to use all our stuff again and have another cute little man to play trains with Wesley. I was totally at peace with having a boy.

Today was our big day. We went in for our ultrasound. Imagine my surprise when the technician got to the gender part and started pointing things out... I was looking at the screen and thinking, "that doesn't look like a boy part..." and then she explained that what we were looking at clearly indicated girl parts. (She used anatomically correct words... and I had to process them for a second... "wait! that means girl!") It's a girl. She saw confirmation many times. She said said in her 13 years of doing this she is rarely wrong. We are switching to TEAM PINK. WOW.

So what if we need new clothes? It's just money! Some of my friends who are only having two kids have a girl Wesley's age and are pregnant with boys -- we can just give each other everything we have! It'll work out fine. Others have assured me she'll love trains and cars and airplanes just like her big brother. I definitely will need to read "Queen Bees and Wannabees" and other passive aggressive teenage girl drama books to figure out how to navigate these feminine waters. We'll have our boy and our girl. I simply can't believe it. I'm in shock.

So this morning, I shed another tear. Was I happy, sad, who knows? Another of my "daydreams" is gone and I must move forward with reality: we are welcoming a little girl around Christmas. Wow.