hastening

Warning, this is a personal post!! But I've been greatly affected lately because of spiritual things, so here we go. I've been humbled recently thinking about how things are changing. Yes, the world is kinda crazy and it seems like the only way it's headed is downhill, but I think I know better. Not everything is headed downhill.

 The Church has called it a "hastening," as in, "hastening the work of salvation." Since they changed the age for young people who wish to serve missions from 19 to 18 for men and 21 to 19 for women, more missionaries than ever are now out in the field and more work is being done by missionaries and members everywhere.

In April's General Conference several talks inspired me to be mindful of the miracles that the Lord is enacting, miracles of people coming to Christ and finding truth in the gospel. In one, Elder Neil A. Andersen said that just as the Lord is inspiring young people to take the time to serve (1.5 to 2 years out of their young lives!), the Lord is also inspiring people to hear the message who maybe wouldn't before.

I feel stunned, because I have seen this in my own life. In the last 6 months my life has completely changed, and it's for this very reason. The Lord is "softening hearts" all over the world, but more importantly, he softened a heart in my own home. I'm living this miracle. I'm living this hastening.

You see, my husband -- whom I married in the LDS temple in 2003 -- had been inactive since 2005-2006. It took a lot of prayer and consideration for me to decide to even stay married after this "bait and switch," but I decided to stick with it. We had a baby in 2008 and another in 2011. Things have been hard. Really hard. Multiple times I went to the temple and said to God, "OK God, I'm ready to be done with this. Please just let me know that decision is OK," and time and time again, I got the same impression to "just hang on." Stick it out, work on my own faults, be more charitable. I hesitate to admit that these were answers I didn't want to hear, but I listened. I hung on.

Having two kids to care for in Church alone was tough. In my last ward, a young woman who I loved would sit with me every week to help me. In our new ward, I was all alone -- and felt like such a spectacle -- until a nice woman whose children had all grown came up to me and said she had noticed me and wanted to sit with me and help me. She and her husband became my "helpers." They were seriously angels from God during the time Laurel was an infant.

And then.... the hastening happened. It was January 2013. I'll tell you, this year is shaping up to be the awesomest of my life. It didn't happen at all like I imagined it would (and believe me, I had imagined it plenty of times). It happened on Shane's own time -- I suppose in God's time. He made the decision to come back when he was all alone, the kids and I were on vacation visiting family. It was magical to come home and see a change in his eyes and realize the Lord had touched his heart. I didn't want to believe it at first because I didn't want to be disappointed, as I had at certain times before, but as things have progressed I realize this is real and I feel so happy. I just want to pinch myself. Going to Church as a family, watching Conference as a family, having Family Home Evening together, just sitting and talking about spiritual metaphors and observations and questions with him has been AMAZING. I AM SO HAPPY. What joy, what joy, what joy fills my heart. Just today I looked over at him during Sunday School and got teary eyed. This is so exciting.

I can't explain how I did it without him! Just the other day I was thinking about being at Church on my own with the kids and I realized there must have been other unseen angels with me. I know God was with me, helping me keep them calm and allowing me to hear the messages and be uplifted during the hardest part of my life. (It was hard.) So many people came into my life during those years who touched me, helped me, strengthened me. I hope now that those angels (literal and figurative), that calming influence, and that Spirit can now go on to support other members needing comfort and wanting strength.

Truly, a miracle has happened in my own home. I believe I am part of the "hastening." Just recently my mom told me about a man my dad works with who has been inactive for years and is also coming back to Church. A woman I used to visit teach (who I LOVE) but who has been inactive for awhile (despite my best efforts!) is also gradually coming back into activity thanks to her family members (and the Spirit, presumably!). I am SO EXCITED to see these incredible changes, and to tangibly feel the Spirit touching people's lives.

And then I go back to that quote by Elder Andersen.... some people are being inspired to hear the message now who weren't before. Any of my friends? co-workers? neighbors? People I've talked to about the gospel before, but who were not interested, but now feel the stirrings in their hearts? It's a daunting task.

Just this week I was at a park with two mommy friends and their kids and out of nowhere, there were two sister missionaries!! Instead of feeling inspired to share with my friends, I sorta froze. I kneel in prayer at night and ask for missionary experiences, and here was one where I could have introduced my friends to the sisters and maybe something pleasant would have come out of it, but I just bombed. The Lord isn't going to give me any more opportunities if I won't act on the ones I get. Sigh. I went away feeling totally awkward and discouraged, thinking my friends think I'm nuts, but in reality they probably didn't notice a thing and it wasn't awkward for them at all. We're still friends. I care about them. We'll see. 

I remember a friend I had in Seattle told her conversion story, and she knew a man at her work who invited her over and over and over again to Church activities. She politely said no over and over, until one day she said yes. It took multiple times but that man who invited her must have had the Spirit with him and knew she would accept the message. And she did! She was in the Relief Society presidency! It makes me feel like I need to keep asking people....

The Church recently had a broadcast on missionary work, and I was able to watch it with Shane. Overall I just felt like that in the same way the Church "raised the bar" for missionaries (raising the standards of who could serve), the bar is now being raised for us members. We need to do better, be better, live better. Instead of just having a "checklist" to follow for missionary work, we need to be receptive to the Spirit and invite it into our lives and the lives of our friends more. Live by the Spirit. Listen to it. Heed it.

Daunting task, yes.

So I will continue to pray for opportunities, and I'll also pray that that Spirit will strengthen me and help me when I need it. I know this is real, I KNOW these miracles are happening. I can't deny it, and anyone who knows my family and has seen the change inside the walls of my very own home can't deny it either. The Bishop once told me about Shane, "He looks GOOD. Every time I see him he looks better and better." And he does! My handsome husband just looks DIFFERENT. I hardly recognize him. I feel SO BLESSED. So happy.

Believe me when I say things are changing. And yes there are riots on the street because of jury verdicts and Supreme Court cases, and things seem unsettled... but I know a work is being done and it's being hastened by powers I can't fully explain. Things are getting better. As much as I wanted this, I didn't dare expect it. And that's exhilarating.