in this skin

I'm in between cleaning the bathrooms and thought I'd take a quick minute to blog.

Last week I went to the dermatologist for my annual "mole check." Evidently I'm one of those people who have more than 100! moles and should get them checked every year. I feel pretty cool to be in such a prestigious category! The doc checked them out and sure enough, there are two on my back that she is "worried" about and I'm going to get them removed. She said with as many moles as I have, the chances of me getting through my life without a doctor being concerned about at least one of them was absolutely impossible. I had no idea! So in the next couple weeks they'll remove them and send them off for testing. The tests either say that 1) everything was fine, 2) there were a few abnormal cells, so it's a good thing the mole was removed, 3) there were a lot of abnormal cells, so let's go back and remove some more around the area just to make sure everything is OK, or 4) it's cancerous or pre-cancerous! Wowsers!

But my point in this post isn't to inform you of the means and methods of moles and dermatology.

After my appointment, I was thinking about all this and recalled a distinct memory from elementary school. I remember sitting next to a blond-haired, fair-skinned girl in 5th grade science class, looking down and her arms and seeing that they were clear (no moles), looking down at mine and seeing my speckled skin, and being so incredibly embarrassed with who I was.

I realized, last week, that I haven't felt that way in years. When kids are growing up (myself included), fitting in and being normal and accepted is so so so important, and being different in any way is scary. I felt so different. So unlike everyone else. So weird.

But, at some point, I'm thinking my freshman year of college (away from all my family and friends, trying to make new friends), I started to gain stronger self-confidence. I've always felt confident in my abilities and my education, but it took quite awhile for me to feel confident in my own skin. Even now, sure, there are lots of things I'd like to change (ahem! pregnancy does awful things to you), but overall, I'm happy with who I am. I haven't felt embarrassed to just be myself in years.

The realization made me feel good. I don't think we need to be like everyone else. I'm glad I'm not afraid of being different anymore. Sometimes it's hard to look past the flaws, but we have to, or we'll never know exactly what we're capable of doing. Every person can add something amazing to the world, whatever that is, and it is unique only to them.

No one on this planet is worthless. I believe that.