nightmare on highway 99

As some of you know, I have a birthday coming up. And this particular birthday marks a momentous occasion: my driver's license expired.

I decided to go in last week -- on a whim -- and take care of it. I did no strategic thinking. This was a mistake. I happened to go 1) during "lunch break" (I arrived at 11:28 am) and 2) the day after a national holiday (when the licensing office was closed). I came with a toddler and no books, no food (emergency cheerios kept in the diaper bag excluded), no toys, no plan, nothing. What was I thinking??

It was awful. Just awful. I arrived and got a number -- 114. For some reason, I looked at the "currently being served" number and saw 58, and in my mind it clicked that "oh, we're almost in the 100s," since I considered the numbers on a clock, and the hour resets at 60. For some reason, I thought after 59 came 100. When all of a sudden it was 60, then 61, then 62... I was like... "whoa... I'm going to be here a long time."

And I was. Two whole hours. Wesley was SUCH a good boy and entertained himself with -- true story -- my Safeway club card and a bottle of hand sanitizer that he just wanted to hold. I luckily had an umbrella stroller, which I actually left the house without but went back and got, thank HEAVENS, and I put him in the stroller and pushed him around the licensing office for two hours. We went in circles. At first I had him in my lap and I was reciting Dr. Seuss' ABCs (see last post). I think the people sitting near me were like, "oh geez. Why did the woman and the baby come sit near me?"

Although, we made lots of friends. I saw a girl reading a book I love, so we talked about that; I met a sweet-sixteen girl just getting her license for the first time, and her proud momma; I met a woman named Sharon Osbourne and I said, "oh that's a fun name!," and she said, "yeah, tell me about it." I met a lot of people with tattoos who took smoke breaks. It was a long day.

The lesson for everyone:

• If you're bringing a toddler, bring books, toys, and food.
• Or go alone. And bring a book.
• Plan to spend a long time.

I lived. Thank goodness.