mommy 911

Currently waiting for attention in the Mom Hospital:

• 6 board books (destroyed by toddler)
• 2 pairs of pants (destroyed by mom)
• 1 plush fish (smiley face ripped off by toddler)
• 2 long-sleeved shirts (somehow I get rips in my elbows? why is that?)
• infinite numbers of socks (I feel like sewing up the holes "wastes not, wants not," especially my cute pair of Christmas socks)

So that's what on my list today.

(Shane tells me Mom Hospital was coined by his mom, where all the toys their kids, dogs, etc., had destroyed were sent until she could mend them and return them to action. I think it's pretty funny!)

2010 challenge

What have I been up to, you ask?

Well, I'm really tired. I had a friend over the summer tell me about this "challenge" she did (pregnant even!) at the beginning of 2009. She said it "changed her life." I'm feeling in the need of some life changes, so I thought I'd go for it. I'm an all-or-nothing sort of person so perhaps it will work well for me.

The gist is this: There are 10 points for each day. Sundays are freebies. I decided to do this for 100 days (my friend did it for "12 weeks"). I made an Excel spreadsheet to track my 10 points a day. I have listed what number day of the year it is (today is Day 19) and how many more to go (82 to go!). I have summations for month and "duration so far" to see how I'm doing. I'm really motivated to get as close to my 1,000 points as possible!

Here are the 10 rules:

1. Get 7 hours of sleep (not necessarily consecutive -- naps count, too!)
   
2. Exercise 45 minutes every day (again, not necessarily consecutive)
   
3. Drink 48 oz. of water each day
   
4. Eat 2 fruits and 2 vegetables each day
5. No soda, alcohol, unhealthy snacks, or fast food (at least avoiding the booze is easy)
   
6. No sweets (ARGH!)
7. No eating after dinner or 8 pm, whichever you decide
   
8. Read 15 minutes of religious text each day
9. Write in a personal journal each day (any length, any journal)
   
10. Express sincere appreciation to my spouse or another person each day

What do you think? Could you do it?

It's really been a challenge. Surprisingly, I thought the hardest part would be fitting in the exercise... but I am finding lots of ways to exercise I had never even considered before. Last week, I walked to a nearby neighborhood for playgroup (pushing Wesley in a stroller): 10 minutes each way. Last Friday, I did stairs in a 40-story downtown Seattle high rise (it was monstrous!): 15 minutes. I've been doing workout videos, yoga, and resistance band/exercise ball exercises at home. It's been great.

The hardest so far has definitely been giving up the treats. My body just aches for sugar sometimes. For chocolate especially. I had a friend unknowingly bring me a plate of cookies last week. Ha! They sat on the counter until Sunday... when I had four for breakfast! Thank goodness Shane ate some too, but the short of it is that the plate was gone by the end of Sunday! That is how much I miss chocolate.

So far I've only missed 4 points -- one for sleep, one for forgetting a fruit, one for eating at 8 pm, and one for missing a journal entry. I feel pretty productive! I have kept myself motivated by doing this with some friends on the other blog I frequent, and that has been great.

However, haha -- as if this isn't enough!, I actually sat down last year and made some other goals for myself (many of them spiritual it seems). Some of them include:

• Hold weekly Family Home Evenings with Wesley
• Finish Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage (I'm on chapter 10!)
• Earn my YW medallion (as a leader! quick, before they release me!)
• Work on family history at least 6 times during the year, once every 2 months
• Attend the temple at least 6 times during the year, once every 2 months
• Do at least 6 specific, planned service projects with/without Wesley
• Plan a trip to Maui!!

I take New Year's Resolutions seriously! Can you tell? A couple years ago I made a resolution to floss daily... and that completely changed my life. I'm now a stellar flosser. If you don't floss daily, oh my gosh DO IT. It feels so good.

Anyway, so if you see me and my body looks beat up and I seem erratic, it's because I'm really challenging myself to do things better, all while keeping myself sane and still cooking dinner every day, remembering birthdays, keeping up with my Church responsibilities, showering, and more. (Good thing this blog counts as a journal entry!)

You know, I don't mind it. I like feeling busy, because it makes me feel alive. And isn't that what each new year is about? Finding more reasons to enjoy being alive?

I hope you have a happy and productive new year, too. I'd love to hear any of your newest challenges. I wish you the best (and please do the same for me!).

could it have been prevented?

Warning, this post is sort of old (and sad and serious) news, but I've been so darn busy tussling with a climbing, whining, non-eating toddler (read previous post) that I haven't been able to collect my thoughts. Until now.

Here are the basics:

Just after Thanksgiving, in Pierce County, Washington, a man with issues stormed into a coffee shop and shot four police officers, several of them execution style, before running off and evading police for several days. When he was finally discovered, a shoot-out ensued and he was killed, also.

A month later, in my home town of Salisbury, Maryland, a little girl went missing. Law enforcement officers suspected a sex offender living nearby of foul play, and sure enough he had information that ended up being true. Her body was found a couple days after Christmas. The real kicker here is that I went to high school with the sex offender and knew him. And, even more so, the neighborhood where the two of them lived was near by parents' home. Salisbury made the news the week of Christmas, because the little girl was missing for several days and search parties were organized to look for her (hoping they'd find a very cold and starved little girl, not a body). Thousands of people turned out Christmas morning at the local minor-league baseball stadium -- near my childhood home -- to search.


Why do I tell you these CSI stories?

Because both of these killers, at one time, were in jail. They were a threat to society and were apprehended and were locked up. If they were still in jail, these awful things wouldn't have happened, right?

But I'm here to argue that their being out of jail made sense. I've been doing a lot of reading on the subject, and I can't find any information that emphatically and obviously and undeniably points to the fact that they should have been locked up for their lives.

Lets take Scenario I, Maurice Clemmons, our criminal in Tacoma. My source here is an op-ed piece in our local paper by former Arkansan governor Mike Huckabee. (No, I did not vote for him for president. Although I am impressed he's lost 300 pounds or whatever.) Here is an exerpt:

Maurice Clemmons was 16 years old when he committed the crimes of burglary and robbery. He was sentenced to a total of 108 years in prison, dramatically outside the norm for sentencing for the crimes he committed and the age at which he committed them.

Nine years ago, the name Maurice Clemmons crossed my desk. I commuted his sentence from 108 years to 47 years.... Only letters of support for Clemmons' commutation were received, including one from the circuit judge.

Three months after the commutation, Clemmons met the criteria for parole and was paroled to supervision in late 2000.

Several Washingtonians were blaming Huckabee for the fact that this guy was out of jail and went on a killing spree here in Washington. The article goes on to say that Clemmons "engaged in intermittent criminal activity that increased in violence and frequency" after he moved to Washington. In the end, he had been charged with raping a child but was released when he posted his own bail. Shortly after that was then the murders occurred.

So, here's my question. If anyone is at fault, it's the judge who set a bail after the rape charge. It's not Huckabee. In fact, if we locked up for life (for 108 years) every 16-year-old kid who stole a candy bar or a car stereo, we'd have a lot of prison space wasted on young adults who may or may not be menaces to society. I can't say. Another article said he served 11 years of his 108/47-year sentence. Eleven years in jail for stealing something when he was a kid!

I just don't think Huckabee can be blamed here for giving him a second chance. Lots of us were morons when we were teenagers. Maurice Clemmons was too. The only hint we had that this guy was capable of dangerous things were the crimes right before the murders.

So what went wrong? Allowing him to post his own bail went wrong. But most people charged with a crime have the perogative to post bail, unless they are considered an immediate danger to society. Do we strip everyone of that right, simply because this guy abused his liberties? Could we really have prevented this? Was it the judge's fault that he didn't see that immediate danger?

OK, on to Scenario II: Thomas Leggs -- I knew him as TJ in school -- was a registered sex offender. Why? This article in the Washington Post explains that in 1998 and in 2001, twice, he pleaded guilty to having sex with "a child," a teenager who was not yet 18. In 1998 -- since we were the same age -- he was 18, and in 2001, he was 21.

So, do we lock up indefinitely every young man who has sex with his under-age girlfriend? I just don't think it's possible! He was on the sex offender registry, which was probably punishment enough. His recent criminal charges have to do with burglary, destruction of property, etc. I searched and searched for more information on this guy's criminal history, and didn't find much. One article pegged the ages of the girls at 12 and 14, respectively, and said the second instance was just inappropriate relations (not sex).

Part of me wants to say, "oh that's so young, we need to lock him up forever!," which is what everyone on Facebook and the Salisbury news blog comment sections are saying. (He is very much guilty until proven innocent in those forums.)

But the other part of me wants to say, "should my tax dollars keep this guy in jail for his entire life?" I just don't know what to think. I mean, I have a son myself, and there are scary people out in the world, but do we lock up everyone??

Could we have known what would happen? Can we really beat ourselves up for this?

Do we incarcerate everyone who is a threat, or instead, do we put into place the best measures to warn us (sex offender registry, etc.) and give people another chance? Does it have to be all or nothing? Who of us has never made a mistake?

Believe me, I don't think police officers should be needlessly killed, and I definitely don't believe our children should be at risk. But in these two instances, I just don't know what we could have done to prevent these tragedies from happening. They were disturbed people, but they weren't murderers. I don't think we could have known.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about agency and free choice lately. If I want to curb behavior in some way, I can be manipulative with what I allow, but in that regard I am taking away the agency of someone else and making their behavior match my expectations and guidelines. But then is that really free choice? At what point does someone lose the opportunity to choose for himself?

And on the other hand, is it fair that the actions of these criminals takes away the agency of innocent people? Men and women who serve society as police officers, and children? What is fair about that?

I'd be interested in your thoughts here. Should these guys both have been in jail forever? Are you willing to pay to build more jails to keep them -- and people like them -- off the street? Or do we give second chances? Did they deserve a second chance? Does it have to escalate to murder before we take the criminality of someone seriously?

our insanity

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. " -Benjamin Franklin

I.

II.

(and just once, we got this...)

III.

(If you're really observant, you'll notice in the video two of the cubbies in the bookcase we actually switched, to keep this from happening over and over... it doesn't always work...)

Yup, that's our life.

communication frustration

I'm feel frustrated today. We just are having serious issues communicating with our son! Or, more specifically, having him communicate with us.

Today I prepared some pasta and added a few veggies and put cheese on it for lunch... yum! Who doesn't like mac & cheese?! He had two bites then wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't finish his yogurt from breakfast; he took two bites of that and was done as well. All he wants to eat are Cheerios and raisins.

I don't mind him being a picky eater, but I want him to communicate with me. Use words! Use signs! Use anything but the scream-y, tantrum-y whining I get now. I hate it. I wish he could tell me what he wants! But he refuses to listen, to calm down, to communicate. He squirms back and forth and whines and in general, it's no fun at all for any of us.

I really have been second guessing myself lately. Maybe I'm not a good teacher? Maybe this is all my fault?

I was thinking about this: most of the moms I know don't give a hoot about the TV being on all day. They watch Oprah and Elmo and who knows what else with their babies, when I have made a decision not to watch TV while Wesley is awake. So what is the result? He is good at entertaining himself and he has lots of fun toys to play with (a plus!), but he doesn't say a word (a minus). My other friends' babies are chattering away and signing and communicating like there's no tomorrow (a plus), but some are also clingy and can't play alone (a minus).

So, is it possible the TV inundates babies with WORDS and therefore gets them to talk more? And Wesley has missed out?

I know there is research to the contrary. In the New York Times today is this article where the University of Washington did research to disprove Baby Einstein (arguing that TV has negative effects on children's development), and the makers of Baby Einstein want to see all the studies so they can replicate them themselves.

One of my friends, she read an article and shared with me some pretty amazing points about TV, things that really resonated with me. These are some of the points she made:

In short, TV is not so much the problem as what TV viewing displaces:

1. TV interferes with exploration of their physical world (seeing/learning laws of physics, properties of objects, etc.)
2. Fantasy play is critical for understanding symbolism. All letters and numbers are in essence symbolic representation of the real thing. A- P- P- L- E is symbolic for a real apple. TV viewing reduces time spent in imaginary play.
3. TV is an easy alternative to the energy it takes to explore, invent, and create. Children then like the relaxed feeling of TV and are less motivated to engage in these brain-building activities. How many times did we hear growing up, "Turn off the TV and get outside and play!" from our parents? Wasn't it easier to just veg-out when we should have been creating, building, inventing?
4. TV does not provide feedback to the developing language learner. Cooing, laughing, and trying out new vocalizations are all encouraged by the interactivity a baby has with care givers.
5. Emotional intelligences are not developed fully due to lack of social interaction. Children tend to be less skilled in picking up on social cues from other people and don't understand the consequences to their own actions in social circumstances.
6. Children are given realities and or fantasies from television and other visual media. Children then tend to re-play these stories rather than invent their own. This loss of creativity makes problem solving and critical thinking more challenging. Furthermore, the flexibility to be comfortable with the learning process (which includes failure, trial and error, and questioning) is lost when fantasy and imaginary play are limited.

Well, Wesley is really good at #3 and #5, but for some reason #4 hasn't happened with us, despite my efforts to communicate with him -- and avoid TV. It seems a lot of these points have come true for us... yet, he doesn't talk.

It's not for lack of trying:

• We've read lots of books, since he was a newborn
• I narrated a lot of when he was small (maybe I talk so much he doesn't feel like he needs to talk??)
• We've done activities to focus on animal sounds, body parts, opposites, colors, etc., and yet he can't point to his nose or find a dog on a book page
• I've done signing since 5 months; I thought he was close to "more" lately, but I don't know really
• We listen to music and sing songs (we started a Kindermusik class today; I hope it helps)
  
• We've been to speech therapy!! which helped us come up with activities to induce speech, like games, choices, songs with motions, etc.
  

I just wonder if anything is sinking in. I imagine every mom feels this way at this age. I just feel frustrated today, is all.

keeping a record

I've been thinking a lot about my journals lately. Journal(s), you ask?

Yes. Journals.

I have many.

I actually started keeping a personal journal when I was 8 or so, and I wrote basically every single day until I was married. (Seeing my awful elementary spelling errors and re-reading about my middle school crushes can be quite hilarious!) Getting married, sigh, just threw some of my deeply rooted personal habits out the window. Kinda sad, huh? It's important not to lose ourselves, even if we are part of a team for the rest of our lives (and eternity!). So, I vow to continue keeping my journals.

If I could create a visual for you (if I had the time), I would. I would stack my various journals one on top of each other, and the pile would be at least a foot tall, maybe two feet.

Some journals I keep:

• this blog
• the new Movin Mommas blog
  
• a personal journal (which I wrote in last night for the first time since May 2008 -- so sad)
• a medical journal (all my insurance statements go in a pile and I transcribe the what, when, why, and how, etc. of all my illnesses)
• a gratitude journal (just a bulleted list of all sorts of things I'm thankful for)
• a Wesley memory book (it's basically a big letter to him, full of memories and feelings and love)
• a spiritual journal (where I record my powerful and strong spiritual experiences, those that show me without a doubt that I am a Child of God and the Lord is looking out for me and loves me)
• a Family History journal (so when I work on my genealogy, I write what I've discovered and what I've been working on so I can pick up from the same place the next time)
  

I also am starting to keep an online workout log, but that doesn't count as a journal. It's through my insurance's Web site, and I can record food intake, exercise, and stress levels.

A pretty long list, huh?

I don't know what it is, but I love writing my thoughts down. I guess I feel like my mind is crazy full (too much going on!) and it feels good to record things. Whenever I want to work on something, my first thought is, "Make a list. Keep a journal. Write it down." The power of writing something down just can't be denied. When I want to be more healthy, I write down my goals and rules. When I have a million things to do, I make lists. When I need to clear my brain of all the stuff that has happened, I write a journal entry. I feel like then I can forget it, because it's there if I need it.

It's therapeutic, really.

Want to hear something funny? Once my mom was thinking about something, about one summer when she thought we went on this vacation or had that adventure, and she wasn't sure if my brother had done something or if something had happened that particular summer, and it was driving her crazy. So she actually called me and asked me to look in my journal for that summer and tell her if she was right or wrong. Isn't that funny? I was the family record!!

That feels cool.

Anyway, I want to be better about keeping my journals. I've made it one of my goals for 2010. As much as I love this blog, I need to make sure I also have the time to write in my personal journals. There I record things I won't even tell you guys! Hahaha. And sometimes we all need that private, personal outlet.

I hope you have an outlet, too, somewhere, somehow, to keep your thoughts. Our minds are our own, one of the only things we have that is truly our own.

(What are the journals you keep? Anything fun?)

much has happened....

Wow, has it been a week and a half? Thanks faithful followers for checking in.

Lots has happened.

1. Christmas Eve and Christmas

It was lovely. Wesley got a potty (hehe) and LOTS of toys (including a Sesame Street remote which we now keep where we kept our old remote to trick him!!), Gabby got a gift card from Petco, and we got a new mattress, vacuum, Microsoft office, and office chair. Praise heaven. Shane bought me the Twilight books and I bought him a robe. Overall it was a wonderful, relaxing day, where I didn't look at the clock and we ate leftovers.


Our main gift to our family was personalized M&Ms... we bought a 5-lb bag and I made teeny little bags for each of the 35 family members. It was a fun, crafty project to lower my stress at Christmas, and it was so cute seeing Wesley's mug on M&Ms...


2. Visiting TriCities

We left Saturday the 26th for the TriCities and stayed there all week. We played lots of games, Wesley got way spoiled, and we took advantage of the free babysitting. My goal was to watch one new movie a day and we did pretty well with that. Wesley's two TriCities aunts are in a competition to be the favorite so they BOTH gave him similar noise-making push toys, which are now all over our condo. Why why why!?! They love us. It was a fun week. I saw New Moon again, me and Shane went on a date to Sherlock Holmes, we visited each of his siblings (and let Wesley assault one of their big dogs), we survived a snow and ice storm (wherein I did fall on my rear and thankfully Shane didn't laugh), and more. It was great.


3. New Year's

New Year's was lovely. We spent the Eve playing card games and even though Shane and I won the first round, we were slaughtered the next. I ate a lot of truffles. And since I'm on this crazy new year's resolution kick, I had to get it all in. I have ten rules, and I keep track each day and get ten points. Sundays are my day off. I'm 100% so far -- doing things like exercising 45 minutes a day, drinking 48 oz. of water, no treats, sleeping 7 hours at night, reading my scriptures for 15 minutes, etc.

4. Anniversary

Our anniversary was Jan. 2. We decided to go out for breakfast and left while Wesley was still sleeping. I wanted to go to a really nice place, but there weren't a lot of choices. We ended up at a hotel which was relatively nice (i.e., there were water goblets), but it was just a smidge nicer than IHOP I guess. In any case, the food was marvelous and I enjoyed yet another date with my sweetie with free babysitting. We've been married seven years.

5. Back to real life

Now we're back to real life. We came home and took down the tree, reorganized all the closets to fit everything in, started donation piles, and more. The only thing left is getting some groceries. That's on the plan for today.

More thoughtful blog posts ahead! Welcome 2010!