thinking like a mother

Wesley and I were 99-cent shopping at Value Village this week. Lately shopping has been so fun with him, since he gets a kick out of almost anything. He loves to make googly eyes with people in the store, grandmas and women especially. One gal at Safeway lately saw us a couple times in the store and referred to Wesley as her "boyfriend" the last few times we saw her. Ha! Wesley has also been recently fascinated with older men, usually with gray hair, who talk on their cell phones with these really deep voices. He just watches them and smiles, and his eyes are so wide, it's cute.

Anyway, back to Value Village. This day, Wesley was enthralled by two little boys. The first little boy, maybe 6 or so, was rifling through a barrel of stuffed animals. Wesley looked at him and smiled, and generally when this happens people smile back or say hi or tell me what a cute baby I have. This little boy instead returned to his barrel and started hoarding toys, as if to say to Wesley, "you're not getting any of my toys." He wasn't thrilled at all having the attention of my baby boy.

The second little boy, a bit younger, maybe 4 or 5, was over by the VHS tapes. He was sitting in a cart, and Wesley saw him and starting smiling at him, and I looked at the boy, who was looking at Wesley, and he said matter-of-factly, "don't touch my cart." Frankly, I was shocked, but I tried to play it cool and say, "oh well! if you say so, we won't!" and he seemed kind of nice after that, but he also was a little cold and standoffish.

The whole experience really got me thinking. Wesley is so sweet and open and kind, and just wants to smile with people and make a connection and be nice, but these two boys didn't want anything to do with him. They didn't see how amazing he is, nor did they care. I suppose it's unrealistic for me to think that everyone who comes in and out of Wesley's life will love him and see how amazing he is and treat him as wonderfully as I think they should, but it still hurts when I think about it.

And I guess the thought is turned back to me: do I treat people as wonderfully as I should? Every person on this planet has a mother, who probably thinks the world of them and loves them very much. But I never think about that when I see someone cut me off in traffic or panhandle for money. I never stop to think, "maybe I'm not impressed with you, but there are good qualities in there that I bet your mother sees, and she loves you no matter what."

(Tangent: thinking about this experience has also really intrigued me as I read in the newspaper about people abusing or murdering family members, especially a parent-child relationship. It's unthinkable. These people gave you life, or else you gave life to them. How can you hurt them??)

In college, I'd call my mom on the phone and complain about upcoming tests and how scared I was about them, and my mom would always tell me to do my best, and then she'd add, "and remember, however well you do, your mother loves you no matter what." She told me that plenty of times. And as I sat in the BYU Testing Center, racking my brain then waiting for the results of my exam, I'd repeat over and over in my head, "my mom loves me no matter what, my mom loves me no matter what." It calmed me.

I told Shane about this experience and he simply said that maybe people won't see how awesome Wesley is and treat him the best, but he always comes home to us and as his parents, we have the opportunity to make him feel most safe and most loved and most valued. And he is. And I will. It's an incredible responsibility, but he's so dang cute it's easy at the moment! (Maybe my post would sound a little different if I were potty training.)

So I'm going to try to be better to people. Because it breaks my heart to think that people won't always be peachy and sweet to Wesley, and I know people should be treated with respect. On a more spiritual note, as a parent, I guess I'm feeling how our Heavenly Father feels. I mean, this love I have for Wesley, WOW, it's love. It's deeper and more incredible than anything I've ever felt before. And to think, our Heavenly Father thinks that way about each of us. He knows us as I know Wesley, he loves us as I love Wesley, he only wants the best for us, as I want for Wesley. It's real, and I feel it.

So if Wesley smiles at you in the store, smile back! Or you'll get another sappy post from me.