i want to help

I'm feeling something new. Different. Maybe God is trying to nudge me.

My newest obsession is borrowing movies for free from the library. The other day a familiar title caught my eye, and I brought it home. Shane and I snuggled up Friday night with a blanket and some popcorn... and what followed I did not expect. My mind was blown.

We watched The Kite Runner. My boss is in a book club and she read the book several years ago, and I remember her telling me about how it was just so sad. I'm not really into historical fiction, but when I heard they made it into a movie I figured I could at least watch that. Controversy surrounded the film, since it takes place in Afghanistan, the child actors are Afghan, and it covers some pretty sensitive subjects. If you've seen the movie, you know. It's a heavy heavy film (I'm sure the book is even more thought-provoking), that especially strikes me as a mother, since a lot of the injustices in the story occur against children.

I've been thinking the last couple days about how this works: atrocities abound all over the world, but we in the cushy U.S. of A don't really know about it until a movie is made (even though I do read the paper every day but tend to glaze over the foreign affairs sections; go figure). Hotel Rwanda affected me, Blood Diamond affected me, these dramatic (and somewhat historically true) movies affect me, of course. Thank you, Hollywood.

But then what?

I guess, for me, there must be something more. This hasn't happened before, so I'm just figuring it out for myself. There must be some subconscious x-factor that actually makes me want to do something about it. I think The Kite Runner did that for me. I want to help.

(Tangent: let's really think about this. Do movies motivate us to act often? I remember watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and being motivated to read the book. I suppose several movies have motivated me to read the books. But other stuff? Did I want to run out and play soccer after watching Bend it Like Beckham? Did I want to study U.S. history after watching National Treasure? Did I want to learn a musical instrument after watching Mr. Holland's Opus? I guess I haven't really thought about it.)

To add to the fact that I think this is something I need to be doing right now, just today I was reading the 100 emails in my junk email account and came across this amazing article. It's a compilation of stories of Latter-day Saint women profiled in a new book, and several of these women were in the cross hairs of these international atrocities. One woman was tortured in the Philippines, one woman went on convoys to Bosnia, one woman was arrested in Armenia. I just can't get over it. These brave women -- who had the gospel -- lived the life every day and managed to keep smiles on their faces. Would I be so strong? Do I realize that this is happening every day, all over the world? To women and mothers and Church members just like me?

So here I am, living a sweet life. Currently I am smelling brownies in the oven, listening to my sweet baby chatter to himself as he falls asleep, feeling grateful I remembered to change the sheets on the bed this morning. By comparison, a ridiculously sweet life.

I want to help. Have any of you experienced this? What organizations do you trust? Do you just make a couple hygiene kits or leprosy bandages and send them off and feel good about yourself? I think I want more. I'm not sure. This is new. But I want something. I can't just sit anymore.

A PSA on The Kite Runner DVD cites www.takepart.com to help people get started. You can research low-impact farming, solar energy, whaling, and every other social issue under the sun. I know the Church also has an excellent humanitarian aid program with various efforts people can help with. I guess I'll start there. I've got to start somewhere.

I have been given so much, I need to do this.