Today I prepared some pasta and added a few veggies and put cheese on it for lunch... yum! Who doesn't like mac & cheese?! He had two bites then wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't finish his yogurt from breakfast; he took two bites of that and was done as well. All he wants to eat are Cheerios and raisins.
I don't mind him being a picky eater, but I want him to communicate with me. Use words! Use signs! Use anything but the scream-y, tantrum-y whining I get now. I hate it. I wish he could tell me what he wants! But he refuses to listen, to calm down, to communicate. He squirms back and forth and whines and in general, it's no fun at all for any of us.
I really have been second guessing myself lately. Maybe I'm not a good teacher? Maybe this is all my fault?
I was thinking about this: most of the moms I know don't give a hoot about the TV being on all day. They watch Oprah and Elmo and who knows what else with their babies, when I have made a decision not to watch TV while Wesley is awake. So what is the result? He is good at entertaining himself and he has lots of fun toys to play with (a plus!), but he doesn't say a word (a minus). My other friends' babies are chattering away and signing and communicating like there's no tomorrow (a plus), but some are also clingy and can't play alone (a minus).
So, is it possible the TV inundates babies with WORDS and therefore gets them to talk more? And Wesley has missed out?
I know there is research to the contrary. In the New York Times today is this article where the University of Washington did research to disprove Baby Einstein (arguing that TV has negative effects on children's development), and the makers of Baby Einstein want to see all the studies so they can replicate them themselves.
One of my friends, she read an article and shared with me some pretty amazing points about TV, things that really resonated with me. These are some of the points she made:
In short, TV is not so much the problem as what TV viewing displaces:Well, Wesley is really good at #3 and #5, but for some reason #4 hasn't happened with us, despite my efforts to communicate with him -- and avoid TV. It seems a lot of these points have come true for us... yet, he doesn't talk.
- TV interferes with exploration of their physical world (seeing/learning laws of physics, properties of objects, etc.)
- Fantasy play is critical for understanding symbolism. All letters and numbers are in essence symbolic representation of the real thing. A- P- P- L- E is symbolic for a real apple. TV viewing reduces time spent in imaginary play.
- TV is an easy alternative to the energy it takes to explore, invent, and create. Children then like the relaxed feeling of TV and are less motivated to engage in these brain-building activities. How many times did we hear growing up, "Turn off the TV and get outside and play!" from our parents? Wasn't it easier to just veg-out when we should have been creating, building, inventing?
- TV does not provide feedback to the developing language learner. Cooing, laughing, and trying out new vocalizations are all encouraged by the interactivity a baby has with care givers.
- Emotional intelligences are not developed fully due to lack of social interaction. Children tend to be less skilled in picking up on social cues from other people and don't understand the consequences to their own actions in social circumstances.
- Children are given realities and or fantasies from television and other visual media. Children then tend to re-play these stories rather than invent their own. This loss of creativity makes problem solving and critical thinking more challenging. Furthermore, the flexibility to be comfortable with the learning process (which includes failure, trial and error, and questioning) is lost when fantasy and imaginary play are limited.
It's not for lack of trying:
- We've read lots of books, since he was a newborn
- I narrated a lot of when he was small (maybe I talk so much he doesn't feel like he needs to talk??)
- We've done activities to focus on animal sounds, body parts, opposites, colors, etc., and yet he can't point to his nose or find a dog on a book page
- I've done signing since 5 months; I thought he was close to "more" lately, but I don't know really
- We listen to music and sing songs (we started a Kindermusik class today; I hope it helps)
- We've been to speech therapy!! which helped us come up with activities to induce speech, like games, choices, songs with motions, etc.
11 comments:
Just remember thatt the terrible 2's really start at 18 months! I'm sure the speech will come, but don't expect the tantrums to go away just because they can communicate!
I started reading this and said "oh, Wesley must be 18 months old." Seriously, this is exactly how Nathan was at about the same time. Don't worry about the speech thing - it will come. Nathan didn't really have many words until age 2 and now at 2.5 he's talking from sun up to sun down and beyond. Sometimes I wish he didn't communicate quite so much these days. :) I think there is too much focus on WHEN kids do things and comparison between children. I am glad we have a pediatrician who has been low-key on that.
As for the picky eating, that's about when it started for us too. You'll find ways of getting food into him, but this might be helpful, it's what my doctor told me. It's a Spock-ism: he says that a toddler will thrive just fine on 16oz of milk, 1oz protein and a little bit of vitamin C per day. So that's like nothing, right? He's not going to starve. They eat when they want to.
Oh, and another thing (since I know you were dying to hear more from me): some of the smartest people i know were tv-addicts as children. My one friend's family had like taped every movie imaginable off of TV and they had this huge collection. She now has 2 masters degrees from an ivy-league school and both her sisters have masters' degrees as well. While I am sure that non-stop TV definitely is a problem, and I agree that TV under a certain age is not a good idea, I don't think it kills little kids to get a little elmo or mickey mouse every now and then. (Just my opinion though) I think the real problem is when people use it as a hypnotic baby-sitter 24/7.
I don't have any suggestions about how to get him to communicate (sorry, I've just never experienced it). I do have some thoughts about the over use of TV:
1. In my child-development class our professor talked about how children under the age of 4 have a very hard time differentiating things they see on TV and things they see in real life. Meaning that any kind of violence they see on TV kids "see" it as happening in real life. (As I can't remember the study for certain don't quote me on that, but I think it makes sense). Makes you think twice about what you're watching in front of your kids.
2. This comes from my sister's art professor (so again don't take my word 100%) But he said that TV and computers have dulled our ability to see color. Screens have such a limited display of the color spectrum and also often they display overly bright and saturated colors since that's what looks best on TV. Overtime this numbs us the the variety of colors in the real world. Which is why. he, said so many old paintings look dull, dingy and dried out. Apparently it's not just age that dulls them, but our unablilty to distinguish subtle colors due to over use of TV, computers and even movie screens.
Gives you something to think about.
Anyways, I'm not saying never watch TV, but certainly we should be aware of how much we watch and what we watch, especially with little ones around.
Don't worry about Wesley not talking yet. I've got a 2 year old who is just now starting to explore the world of the spoken word, and he doesn't use his signs well either, even though he knows them. My first, who is 4 and chatters at us as we are walking out of his room at night, also took a while, and they are both boys. I've heard that boys take longer, but I don't know why. So, keep doing what you are doing and I'm sure it will all happen soon. Wesley is probably working on another developmental milestone we don't know about so don't rush it.
And I am totally with you about the TV thing. We do not have TV in our house, just movies, and even the movie watching is very limited. My kids know the classic Disney movies, like the Sword in the Stone and Peter Pan, and they love Thomas the Train and Winnie the Pooh. But that's about as good as it gets around here. It's been wonderful. One benefit to not watching TV... my kids don't know what toys they want us to get for them because they never see commercials! :)
thanks for all the comments, guys. Our big food winner yesterday was chicken nuggets. So all he ate was chicken nuggets, cheerios, and raisins. sigh! And thanks also for the reassurance with the TV and language. It's just so hard to see them being so autonomous, wanting to do things and accomplish things, but not being able to TELL you about it. It's such a tough age, I've discovered.
Have you tried hummus or peanut butter? those are my two life-savers currently (and chicken nuggets). or beans and rice?
My daughter is a month older than Wesley. I admit that I've gotten lazy and allowed sometimes 3 movies a day (she loves Pixar flicks). I've decided, however, that it's really gone too far. First thing after breakfast, she goes for the remote. So I started hiding it. The first day and a half (I only started yesterday), she was made at me. I've let her watch Signing Time once each day, but that's it.
She started throwing tantrums a couple months ago -- we just ignored them. In less than a week she went from throwing maybe 10 a day (like 30 seconds long...not major ones) down to 2-3 a day. She's starting them a little more again. I just ignore them completely.
The terrible twos are all about development, independence, and testing limits. Regarding food, kids' taste buds don't really develop fully until around 2 years old, so it is possible that he's just realizing that he actually doesn't like certain foods anymore. When my daughter decides she doesn't want to eat what she's given, I try one other option for her, and then I just take her out of her high chair. She'll eat when she's ready -- she doesn't have the cognitive ability to starve herself.
From an outside point of view, I'd honestly (and yes, bluntly) say that you're overreacting. Just take it easy a little. :)
WOW! Terrible two's don't start at 2 it's usually a little earlier. I have found that when my children are acting out it's because there on a brink of developing a new skill! My son watches TV and he has a HUGE imagination and plays all sorts of creative stuff. I don't like to give lots advice because well...sometimes it can come off wrong and that's not my intent! But once I can see that one of my two are going to have a hard day I try to think of as many games to play with them that help avoid the power struggles. For instance, maybe when your getting dressed put your sock on your head and say something like "does it go there?' "isn't mommy sooo funny" Basically something that could make him think what you are doing is funny. So basically always reflect the reaction that you want from your children. And keep yourself calm so that that the spirit can tell you what his primary need is. With a two year old it's whole new world, but this has to happen because at three year old it is hard too. Aaron developed a lot slower verbally than I thought, but I have found that he just started talking. It's gonna happen. KINDERMUSIK ROCKS!! I did it with my boys and they still sing the songs and it gives you some good ideas to do with your children at home. YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOM!!! Development Comes! My son is 4 and we did a lot of the same things and he is doing now we do all sorts of fun games, we make treaure hunts, forts, board games, it's a long list.
yours will happen too!
I have Hyrum who is 4.5 is a research study at Seattle Children's Hospital called "My Healthy Child" and it's about the effects of TV viewing on preschool age children. The head researchers are the directors of the Child Health Institute at UW, Dimitri Christakis and Frederick Zimmerman. They wrote "The Elephant in the Living Room - Make Television Work for Your Kids." They stongly believes that TV is actually good for preschoolers you just have to beware of what they are watching and make sure it's age appropriate and limit their exposure. It's better to watch 1/2 hour episodes than a long movie since kids can get the point of a shorter show and a longer movie is harder for them to put together. I'm not finished with the book yet but what I've read so far in really good. You should check it out.
Hyrum was a slow talker as well and I think most boys that are the oldest in their families are that way. Jonah on the other hand is a total chatterbox and started talking way before Hyrum did. He seems to be earlier in almost everything and in a way I think he is trying to keep up with his older brother.
It's funny how we compare and struggle with them so much as little kids, but once we are all grown up everything just evens out. Good luck!
Jilly is far behind in language, so I know the frustration well!! I empathize with you. I hope things get better. :-)
Post a Comment