inside and out

Part 1:

I got a haircut last week. I was so very excited, since the gal cut off something like 4 inches, but imagine my surprise when hardly anyone noticed. Or maybe they noticed and hated it, so they didn't say anything. Interestingly, the three girls I work with that I see once a week all noticed, and a few of my moms' group friends noticed, but no one at Church. One friend commented that since my hair was so long (and I'd add unmanageable and non-baby-proofed), I probably wore it back a lot so people didn't even realize how long it was. I know she's right.

I felt like a million bucks, but didn't get much reinforcement from the troops. But, I guess it doesn't really matter since I still feel like a million bucks.

Part 2:

Some of you know I've had problems with my gall bladder. For anyone not aware, basically if you eat something really fattening the digestive system can't handle it and there's a blockage of some sort, and it's very very very painful. For me, it feels like my lungs are going to explode. It hurts really bad. My first "attack" was just after Wesley was born, and I've been careful about what I've been eating ever since. The only solution is to either eat really low fat or get your gall bladder out, which I really want to avoid for now.

I decided to take my chances last weekend and me and Shanester got a burger and fries from a national chain that will remain unnamed.

I have never been so grossed out in my entire life. I hardly ever throw food away (I love leftovers and basically think of food as money), but it was so disgusting I threw away half my sandwich. If I had finished that sandwich, I would have felt so awful about myself. It was thick and greasy and probably what a lot of people think would be an ideal lunch.

I couldn't help but realize that I haven't had a commerically prepared burger and fries since before Wesley was born -- in May. You may remember our "celebratory dinner" when Wesley was born was roast beef from Arby's. I don't think I've had anything of the sort since then. My body isn't used to having that stuff in it anymore (and I guess it feels pretty good to think that my body rejects greasy fake food). I wonder if I gave up chocolate what would happen? I shudder to think.

Conclusion:

Isn't it interesting how life is full of little changes. Some on the outside, some on the inside. Some, we don't even know what's happening, and then we're totally different than we were before. A haircut, a disdain for fast food, they're just little things. But what else is going on, how else am I changing, that I don't even know it?

I just hope that when it comes to the big stuff, the commitments I've made to myself and my family, that I'll never change. That my priorities won't falter. That I can stay strong. I've seen people in my life lose sight of what's important. It hurts. I just think, "can't you just get a grip on yourself? Don't you know what you're doing?"

But look what happened to me and the greasy burger. I didn't know what I was doing. And all of a sudden, it didn't taste so good anymore.

Interesting.

I also hope when someone needs me, in a big way, I'll notice. A haircut, it's no big deal. My feelings aren't hurt that you didn't notice. But if someone is struggling, I hope I'll listen to that little voice, that little prompting, that tells me to open my mouth and ask if a friend needs help.

Change. I usually hate it. Sometimes it's beneficial.

But it always happens.