another year

Today is my anniversary. Six whole years I've been Mrs. Gottula. It's had its ups and downs, many ups, many downs, but overall, we're in such a great place. The coolest thing, by far, that the Shaner and I have accomplished in our relationship is creating a little Wesley to bring joy to the world. He is amazing.

I've decided I don't like New Year's. It's not that I don't like making resolutions and celebrating with Martinelli's (the latter which we actually didn't do this year since I forgot to buy it at Fred Meyer), but I just don't like the idea of adding 1 to the year. Time just ticks away. There are some phases of my life where I wish I could freeze the frame and never have the time tick away. I loved being 7, playing in the blue plastic pool in the backyard in the summer. I loved being at college, living in Campus Plaza with my amazing roommates, flirting with boys, going for runs, engaging my mind. I loved my summers at home, working at the Olive Garden, watching David Letterman every night, and really getting to know (and love) my brothers. I loved being at Fenwick Island, Del., or Ocean City, Md., lying on a beach towel with a fabulous book, feeling the sun on my skin and hearing the waves crash. Boy, I miss all those days. Those specific times.

But the years, they tick away. Yes, some experiences now are amazing. Being a mom, listening to Wesley laugh, feeling love get deeper and deeper: they are amazing experiences. But it still scares me a little bit. My life is collecting, bit by bit, on top of itself. The years fly by faster and faster. I'm afraid I'm going to blink, and all of a sudden be 99, realizing that most of my life is behind me instead of ahead of me. I'm sure it will be amazing to revel in the good (and bad?) of what I've accomplished in life, but part of me just never wants to get there. Part of me wants to freeze now.

So, that's why I don't like New Year's. Some days are bad days, and yes by all means, get those days over with and start new days. But the great days? I don't want them to end.

When Shane and I were engaged, the hardest part of the day was saying Good Night. He returned to his humble abode and I went to mine. It was hard! We thought as soon as we got married, we wouldn't have to say Good Night anymore. But, in our first months of being newlyweds, we would still say Good Night before we fell asleep, and I thought to myself, "I wish this day wouldn't end. This is so perfect. I still hate saying Good Night."

I never want a good movie to end. I never want a vacation to end (who does!?). I never want a good chocolate bar to end! I never want a good year to end. But, as life would have it, all good things come to an end.

I guess the trick is to realize that each day we have an opportunity to make the day as good as the last. If I put all my energies into not being reflective, but being progressive, maybe saying Good Night won't be so tough. I'd have to really work on that. Maybe I just need more courage or faith that tomorrow will be as good as today, and if I knew what was coming, I wouldn't want to freeze today. I don't know.

I hope your 2009 is as good or better than your 2008. Even with all my apprehension, I am excited for what this year holds.