My husband paid me a really sincere compliment the other day. I'm not sure if he meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one. Perhaps you can weigh in on the situation at hand:
I got a new neighbor this summer. She is ridiculously young and very cute, and her first weekend as a condominium owner she had the most boisterous and loud party you can imagine. Whoa nelly. My recourse (with a newborn who needs his sleep) was to email our Association Manager, who promptly sent her a letter reminding her that "quiet hours" began at 10 pm. Before she received the letter, mind you, she had another rather jovial party, but since the letter has gone out, I have had no complaints. Her door faces mine, and we meet in the hallway quite a bit. I've met her roommate's teeeeeny teeeeeeeny tiny dog, and she even saw me in my bath robe getting the paper one day. So yeah, we're familiar.
Evidently, her neighbors on two other sides continue to be less than pleased with her neighborly qualities. I know this, because oddly enough, all three of us (neighbors) are on the Board of Directors. They sent an email to the Association Manager asking if he could confirm that she is the actual owner of the unit. They suspected her parents owned the unit and she was merely living there, as a gift from Mom and Dad.
The Association Manager confirmed that she was the owner, although the local government assessor's site shows that her parents are indeed co-signers or whatever on her property.
I asked my fellow Board Members if there was a problem. That's when the bashing began.
They said she "entertains" into the wee hours of the morning. One of them confronted her and said she wasn't nice at all. They insist her parents come and clean her condo for her (which I've neer seen). They called her a "spoiled brat" and a "rich princess" and on and on and on. Holy cow, slow down! None of the Board Members have introduced themselves to this girl or had any kind of conversation with her that was cordial, yet they jumped to conclusions about her faster than a speeding bullet.
I was shocked. I was shocked that my Board Member colleagues, whom I considered friends, could be so mean to someone they didn't even know. Yes, I realize inconsiderate neighbors are a problem, and we're having some issues with tough neighbors (renters and the like) in the complex, but that's why we have an Association Manager to fine them for doing stupid things like dumping their vacuum cleaner contents over the balcony or not picking up their dog's poo.
I just really felt like my fellow Board members were being waaaaaaaay too judgmental of this girl. I tried to stand up for her over email, but got shot down left and right. These people were 100% convinced. I did what I could, and I had to let it go.
I told Shane about it, and he pointed out to me that how I felt about this girl, who I barely know myself (although she knows my bath robe is pink!), was just my nature. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I root for the underdog. If someone is getting beat up on, I try to help. I like to keep the peace. I thought about it, and I guess he's right. I do try to be positive about everyone. You never really know, do you?
Truly, it was nice to hear my husband recognize that quality in me. It made me feel good that he noticed that I try to be open about people and situations.
Anyway, I think the key is as follows: get to know the neighbors before something awful happens. If they know your name and your face, when it comes to kindly asking them to please tone it down, it will go easier. I guess. Or just have the Association Manager do it, which is what I prefer.
So there is our local saga. What would you guys think in this situation? How do you deal with mean and loud and judgmental neighbors?
6 comments:
Yeah, I understand the need for community rules etc. but I do think that Homeowners Associations bring out the worst in people! So what if her parents come and clean her condo...does that in any way affect the community at large? Nope. Some people are drawn to be on HOA boards because they like to be judgemental and have power over other people's lives. Can you tell that I don't care for our HOA? :-) Hope your loud neighbor gains some maturity in spite of being surrounded by other immature people!
Whoa! I think your young neighbor needs to tone down the parties a bit and I think you were right in writing that letter. It seems to me that the people on the board are being way to mean and immature. Who really cares who cleans her apartment? What if the lady coming in was a housekeeper? And who cares? They are being way to judgmental and caring about things that are none of their business. Yes, they should handle the loud party situation, but everything else? Sheesh. I am glad you tried to stand up for her.
Simply switch off her main power circuit breaker the next time. That'll shut `em up real quick.
Seriously, has anyone knocked on her door and confronted her face to face? Asked her to tone it down? That needs to be done first, then call the cops, etc. The Association should not be involved unless the cops can't resolve things.
I know that in some areas, 3 or more complaints filed against someone in similar circumstances can result in ejection from a property. Not sure how that works when the culprit is an owner of a property, but that is what your association needs to deal with if and when this situation continues.
Wow, your HOA is certainly a lot more exciting than ours. I have served on the board for two years now and we really don't have too many problems. Then again, we only have 20 units and more than half of them are owner occupied. I remember we had a really, really, annoying neighbor, but we got to know him and visited with him a few times. We'd go and tell him to tone down the music and he would, but then he'd put it back up again half of an hour later. Luckily after a few months he was evicted. We're really happy with the neighbors we have now. Our board invites anybody to come to our meetings. We have monthly meetings where we discuss issues and sign checks for the management company. Maybe you should consider having actual meetings with the board instead of doing it over e-mail. Invite your young neighbor over for dinner or something to get to know her. We've had both of our neighbors on either side over for a game night at one time or another. I feel like part of our responsibility to do missionary work and be good examples to other people is to get to know our neighbors. Good job for you being able to give somebody the benefit of the doubt and desiring to actually get to know the person before you try to start judging them though!
I just refer my neighbor problems to you! Does it count if they are across the fence from me? I agree with Daddio! Switching off the power would be so much fun! I would be peeking out my window watching and trying not to laugh to loud! I agree with what Shane said about you. I have never heard you speak about other people in any other way. You are a very nice person.
Has anyone had an actual face to face conversation with her? We had some neighbors behind us (in Utah so not so close) that consisted of a young man who rented out rooms in his house. They had parties and people called the police. His dogs broke thru our fence and ended up in our backyard. I called him. He came over and apologized continually and said he would fix the fence and pay for any damages. I told he then told me" thank you for not calling the police." I told him that he had to realize that if he would respect his neighbors rights that they would probably be nicer to him. I told him I didn't mind his parties as long as they weren't continue and that he move into the house after midnight. After our conversation he went around to all the neighbors around him and apologized and became a better neighbor. I know this won't work with everyone but maybe if they talked to her she might be more responsive... then again she might not. Can't you call the police if the noise level is loud after 11:00pm?
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