A strange thing happened to me this weekend. Some of my Facebook buddies will remember that I have posted before about a long-lost friend from high school who I've been dying to find again. She and I were the bestest of friends... we made goofy videos on snow days, watched movies all night in her playroom, did Girl Scouts, went to concerts, and on and on. She was awesome. She was super smart, funny, and a really good friend.
We had different classes and different friends our senior year, and things sort of changed (and got a little awkward), and then we graduated and lost touch. But after all this time, all of my memories of her are good. I don't remember anything bad. I've been trying to find her for YEARS. Her home phone was disconnected several years ago, and it's been a shot in the dark ever since.
Introduce MySpace and Facebook into the mix. I found mutual friends of ours and asked all of them if they knew where she was. I've been trying for years with no success.... until! Finally! A guy she dated in high school was still in touch. He said he'd "pass on my email address" but wouldn't give me her info. Fair enough. I waited... and waited... and waited.
A couple weeks ago he messaged me that he had talked to her, and she did remember me (well duh) and was also sad we lost touch. He gave me her phone number. I called that very afternoon and left a message. No return call. I called again the next week and left a message. No return call. I decided to try one more time... and she picked up. We talked on Sunday -- for the first time in ten years. Wow.
Hearing her voice and her mannerisms and her memories was just so awesome. Her spunk was still the same, but.... something was different. As we got to talking I learned that the years have not been kind to her. She is currently in an abusive, controlling relationship and trying to get out. She has a son with this guy, and she's really concerned about her life and her son's life. She is getting information and making plans to make a change, but at the same time she's nervous and scared. She cried more than once while we were talking.
I was so surprised! I wanted to be so so so happy for this, but instead I'm worried and sad. It's heartbreaking to realize that not everyone is in a good place in their lives all of the time.
I offered some help -- whatever she needs, please let me know -- but then Shane and I were talking about it and the fact is that as much as I want to help, if this guy is as crazy and controlling and irrational as she describes, then I could be putting my own family in danger by becoming an "accomplice." I have to remember that.
It's just not fair that people aren't good to each other. That we as people crave the approval and love of others, and some people use that to their advantage and take advantage. I don't know what will happen, but I only wish good things.
So if anyone has any ideas or insights, please let me know. It's not really in my hands, but it's so hard to see someone I care about so much suffer. I know she can overcome this, and I know she's smart enough that this shouldn't have happened in the first place, but I guess all that matters now is what happens next.
So happy, yet so sad.
2 comments:
That's such a difficult situation! On the one hand, you could be in an ideal position to help her since a HS friend from 10 years ago is probably the last person he'd think of as someone she would turn to but Shane has a good point about involving yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. I had a VTee in a similar situation when I was in grad school. She ended up bringing some of her most precious things to store at my house while she was trying to get out (since her husband didn't know me from Adam). Nothing bad happened in this case but it could easily have gone south (esp since I was a young woman living alone). You really have to stick close to the Spirit in situations like this.
I hate that people are so mean to each other, and I understand your wanting to help in any small way. I would just keep in touch with her, talk to her, give her strength when she doesn't think she has any left, encourage her to keep fighting to get free. And of course, rely on the Spirit in this delicate situation. Prayer does wonders for people.
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