I’ve been having this thought for awhile, and I’m glad to have the opportunity to blog about it. At this point in time, this whole scenario has nothing to do with me, so if I say something that “offends,” at least no one can take it personally that he/she was the reason for my ramblings. I am also genuinely curious of other people’s thoughts on the matter.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is completely self governed, and for that matter, organized by inspiration. The Bishop, the “leader” of the ward (or congregation), knows what positions in the ward need to he filled. He prays for inspiration to know who the Lord would have in that position. When he feels confident that he knows who is the best person for the job, the Bishop issues a “calling” to the ward member. Some things that need to be done, for example, including preparing the Sunday bulletin, managing the ward Web site, teaching the primary children, planning ward activities, scheduling building maintenance, and on and on. The possibilities are endless.
Everything needs to get done (and it's done by the members), and we each have different talents. Callings change. I guess it comes to a point where you’ve learned all you can learn in a calling and done your best, so the Lord (through the Bishop) “releases” you. Someone else starts to do your job, and inevitably, you are called to do something different. The Bishop presents your name before the ward during Sunday meetings, and everyone in the ward is given the opportunity to "sustain" you to that calling by, in essence, raising their hand in agreement. They also have the opportunity to oppose you, but I've never seen that happen.
So, that’s that in a nutshell.
Yesterday at Church there was a huge upheaval in organizations. The Primary presidency was reorganized, and I’m pretty invested in who is in charge of the primary children since my little Wesley will be in the primary organization (the nursery) in just four months. I definitely want competent people in there! Of course, I’m thrilled the new president is a good friend of mine, and Whimsy, who I gush about often, is the new secretary. A couple other high-profile callings were changed yesterday, and I know more are coming.
So, here’s my beef. All the releasings, callings, and sustainings occur in our first Sunday meeting. Afterwards, it’s not uncommon to hear (and it has happened to me) words of “congratulations” in the foyer... "Congratulations on your new calling."
THIS MAKES ME CRAZY.
It is 100% uncalled for and frankly it upsets me. I’ll just use me for example: When I received my latest calling, to work with the young women, I was 100% terrified. I didn’t want to do it. I thought I was completely the wrong person for the job. I heard rumors and discussions about how some of the women who were being released were so upset about being released, and all I could do was fight back tears as I thought to myself, “they should still be here. I’m not right. I don’t want this.” And I didn’t. It was awful. I accepted the calling merely because I trust our Bishop and his counselors and know they receive revelation from the Lord and know what is best for our ward.
So imagine how I felt being “congratulated” in the hall. Friends, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t apply for his. I’m not somehow more fabulous than you are or anyone else is so the Lord thought me perfect for this calling. It’s not like that! It’s not a job I WON over other contenders!
I sincerely feel that words of congratulations at people who have new callings are just inappropriate. My personal preferred acknowledgment of the change is, “are you excited for your new calling?” or “how do you feel about your new calling?”
I heard someone congratulate a young man yesterday who got a new calling, and his response was spot on, “Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far. ‘Good luck’ would be more like it.” Good for him! He feels the same way I do.
I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing within the Church, if we’re meant to think the “high-profile” callings are desirable and therefore people who get them are “righteous” and need to be congratulated for their awesomeness. I just don’t get it. Everyone I know who has been called to be a president of something didn’t want it. They were totally freaked out, but they knew they’d just do their best because the Lord had asked them to.
And maybe one of you can chime in if some General Authority of the Church came out at some point and said “oh congratulating people on callings is just a wonderful thing,” then fine, and I guess I’m wrong. But I really feel like I’m not wrong and you won’t hear me congratulating anyone on a new calling.
I’m happy to say that I am confident and happy in my calling now. I’ve had the chance to get used to things, and I’ve even received some insight into why it is I’m doing what I’ve been asked to do. But it took awhile to get there. It wasn’t an easy road for me.
Whew, so there it is, out there for your debating words and thought processes. If I get a new calling sometime soon, don’t congratulate me. I don’t want to hear it. Consider me a Scrooge if you want. Ask me if I’m freaking out instead, since the answer is probably yes.
8 comments:
My mom says. "That calling is going to have it's own adventure isn't it?" I thought that was a good way to put any calling, because you can magnify any calling. I always thought that congrats just didn't fit right. Overall, I do think that people are saying it to show support, and that they didn't really know what else to say.
I totally agree!! Last year Andrew was put into our bishopric and everyone kept congratulating him. I think that most people need to rethink that - they should have been offering their condolances instead of congratulations. I mean seriously, what's wrong with people. If we all got to just choose what we did, most things wouldn't get done, so just accept that it's inspiration and stop thinking that the bishop just picks "favorites" ARGHH
You're sweet.
Speaking personally, I like to offer this: "Wow, I'm really excited for you!" or "That's going to be awesome!" or the less often heard, but still very much deserved (at times) "I feel for you."
I like the person wishing someone good luck.
You're probably right about the cultural escalation of leadership callings - and whether or not it's correct (IMO, it's not), it's hard to actually correct someone when they're saying it to you. I heard a few times on Sunday and I felt dumb. And humbled. Because dude, I'm kinda scared about all the work involved.
But I'm also excited - and WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE WESLEY IS GOING TO BE IN NURSERY IN LIKE FOUR MONTHS. That's crazy.
First, a word about the process of issuing callings. Most likely an unpopular word. While every calling is prayed about after the selection is made, the entire process is not 100% inspiration. Several names are selected/submitted, often on the basis of known existing abilities, perhaps sometimes even friendships. This initial process is not always prayer-based. However, having had the experience of feeling that my calling was uninspired, and discussing the issue with my Bishopric counselor, I have learned that (and gained a testimony of) by the time the calling is issued, its "rightness" (if you will) has been confirmed through prayer. But it may not have necessarily been inspired in the first place.
Additionally, our release from a calling is not always dependent upon our having learned or grown all we need to. Callings are not always about us. Perhaps the people in our stewardship have learned all they can from us. Perhaps it is just time for another person who needs that calling. There are many reasons for being released from a calling.
Regarding the congratulations: I think you're overreacting. If a person feels happy for you, why should they not be able to express said happiness? If I've been uncertain or otherwise nervous about a calling and someone has offered their congratulations, I've responded something to the effect of, "Thanks. I'm a little nervous because ____, but I'm really looking forward to it." I see nothing wrong with that.
Furthermore, what could be a better initial demonstration of "sustaining" others in their callings (as we commit to do with the raising of the right hand) than to show them that we are happy for them, and to acknowledge their calling? A response like mine above would be an appropriate way to acknowledge and thank them for their sustaining attitude toward you.
While being in a Bishopric (or other Presidency) can and does require a lot of time and effort, one should not offer condolences. It is an honor to receive such a calling, as it is evidence that the Lord trusts us. It should not be a status thing, nor does it mean that Sally is any more or less righteous than Susie. My husband remembers that the most trying times he can remember in his family were when his dad was Bishop, but they were also the happiest and most blessed times. The latter is great reason to offer congratulations.
There have been times when one was released, they felt like they were "fired" from that calling.
How about this: "Congratulations on surviving that calling..." might be one way to express feelings to the recently released.
"Whew" is often heard by those folks upon news of being released from certain callings.
I have to say, I thought of this blog post today when a new sister was given a particular calling and after church when she was set apart, she looked like all the color had been drained from her face. :)
I understand the awkwardness of saying "congrats" but I think it's just cause people don't know what else to say.
You deserved to be told congratulations because working with the YW is the best calling in the world!! I'm glad you've grown to love it. A lot of people would like to have your position. I knew you'd be great.
Amen, sister friend... that's a pet peeve of mine as well. There frankly is nothing to be congratulated on, since, as you said, you really had nothing to do with getting that calling. Besides, no one ever congratulated me for being called as a primary teacher, but I do recall being congratulated when I was assigned to the RS presidency. A calling is a calling. Period. Enough said... no congrats necessary. :)
By the way, your randomness makes me laugh.
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