day 28

Today, I'm gonna get a bit sappy, I'm thankful for prayer. I'm gonna be honest, I don't pray enough. Sometimes a whole day goes by and the only prayers I've said are before meals. But the God-honest truth is that when I do pray, I feel it. I feel God sustaining me. I feel Him carrying me. I feel strength beyond that which I have. If only I pray.

Then why the heck don't I do it more? Sheesh. If I know how wonderful it is, if I realize the blessings, why do I fail so often to just ask? I think that's just one of my life challenges, my temptations, that I get too busy and I forget the important small things. I do. I really do. I'm too darn busy.

It's funny I should say that I am grateful for prayer today because of two recent events involving the death of children.

1.

The charges against my friend were dropped today, which is just absolutely wonderful. If you remember, his son got ahold of his gun and shot his older sister, who was 7, and she died. The father, our friend and former home teacher, was charged with manslaughter in the girl's death. It was heart-breaking to see him go on trial, but interesting that the result was a hung jury, 7-4 in favor of acquittal. The judge called a mistrial.

Someone posted on Facebook that "prayers are truly answered" when the news broke that the charges were dropped. And I sat there and thought, seriously, "No they're not. I prayed the little girl would live. That prayer wasn't answered. Only some prayers are answered."

I suppose it's true that the particular prayer for the charged to be dropped was answered, although back in March my fervent prayer to save little Jenna's life was not answered, at least not in the way I wanted. However, the act of praying did bring me peace. I'm grateful I could do it. I'm just devastated she died. I'm still trying to deal with that grief myself. I imagine for her parents, a lifelong journey that includes much prayer still awaits.

2.

My mother-in-law posted a link to a blog the other day for some people who used to be in their ward, and the 18-month-old girl choked on a dried kidney bean she was playing with. This is interesting to me since we also had "beans" (ours were pinto beans) that Wesley loves to play with. He made a HUGE MESS but loved every second playing with beans.

The girl choked on the bean and then was resuscitated, but suffered so much brain damage in the time she went without oxygen that her organs shut down and she passed away. Simply devastating.
I read the mom's blog today and she has a whole post devoted to prayer. Her prayers at home, in the ambulance, at the hospital, as the doctors worked on her daughter. She also said that at first she felt so strongly her baby would make it, but then her prayers changed and she realized it was God's will and she could let go, and have her baby return to Him. How heart-breaking. She gained peace and comfort and can better deal with her grief because of her spiritual experiences during her personal prayer.

I guess that's what it's all about. Prayer gives strength. Sometimes we pray and miracles happen and babies are healed, and sometimes the world crashes down around us and prayer calms us and strengthens. And it's probably the only thing that does, because no amount of words or hugs or even therapy can take its place. There's just something about prayer.

So, today I'm thankful for it. I pray for strength to overcome my personal challenges of mortality, and I pray for my children (and that I won't scream at them), and I pray for guidance and direction. Please God, help me. I can't do it without you.